The First Real Move: What Howard Taught Me About Leaving Home

Howard University recently welcomed the Class of 2030, and watching the newest Bison move onto campus immediately took me back to the day I first arrived at the Mary Bethune Annex in 2008.

I was a ball of emotions. I was excited for the new chapter, afraid of the unknown and completely ready for whatever was waiting for me.

When we pulled up, the Annex looked just as I remembered it from the family members who had lived there before me and from my most recent campus tour. At the time, it was the newest residence hall on campus, and I was incredibly proud to call 2225 4th Street my home.

“2-2…”
“2-5!”
“We are…”
“So fly!”

It was more than a building. It was the address where I would begin learning how to live independently, build friendships, manage my time and become more of myself.

The Day My Family Left Me at Howard

My mother, stepfather, sister, cousin, who also attended Howard, and her daughters were all there to help me move in and get settled. Those same daughters are now Howard students themselves, which makes watching this new class arrive feel even more full circle.

There were boxes to carry, things to organize and, of course, opinions about what I did and did not need.

The biggest fight my mother and I have ever had happened during that move because she insisted that I needed an iron, and I was equally determined that I did not.

It was never really about the iron.

It was about the reality that this was one of my first steps into independence and adulthood. She was trying to make sure I had everything I might need when she was no longer right down the hall. I was trying to prove that I was ready to make those decisions for myself.

For the record, I got the iron.

When it was finally time for my family to leave, I remember being tearful. But as their car pulled away, I stood a little straighter and walked back into the Annex.

It was time to begin my next chapter.

A Friendship Assigned by Chance

I did not know my freshman-year roommate before arriving at Howard.

We happened to be standing next to each other in line and were randomly assigned to live together based on when we arrived. Our first interaction was a little strange, as many first interactions between two people who have suddenly been told they will share a very small room tend to be.

We do not speak or interact every day now, but she is still a friend who left an indelible mark on my heart.

We share memories from a time in our lives that can never be recreated. I am proud of everything she has accomplished since our years at Howard and grateful that arriving at the same time and standing beside each other in line gave me a friend for life.

That is one of the beautiful things about going away to college. You arrive thinking about classes, dorm rooms and schedules, but some of the most important parts of the experience are the people you meet while building a life away from home.

Freshman Week: A Safe Place to Begin

When I attended Howard, freshmen moved in first. We had Freshman Week to become familiar with the campus, learn how things worked and begin forming our own community before returning students arrived and classes began.

The best way I can describe it is grown-up summer camp.

It was the first week I was truly away from my parents. It was a leap into independence, but it was also a protected space where I could meet people, find my way around and simply be before the haze and responsibility of school settled over us.

Some of my favorite college memories were made during that week.

There was a freedom in knowing that we were all new. Everyone was trying to find their footing, make friends and understand this new version of life at the same time.

College Teaches You How to Live

I am a huge proponent of young adults going away to school when the opportunity makes sense for them and their families.

The experience is about so much more than academics.

College can provide a protected environment where students begin learning how to be adults. They learn to live with other people, manage their schedules, speak up for themselves, solve problems and make decisions without a parent immediately stepping in.

At Howard, I learned the importance of time management. I learned how to produce quality work and what it means to truly show up. I also learned that independence does not mean doing everything alone. It means knowing when to seek help, when to advocate for yourself and when to accept support.

My mother was always there for me from California, but the distance, the time difference and the necessity of figuring things out helped me grow.

My own Howard journey did not unfold in a perfectly straight line, but the relationships, lessons and personal development I gained there have stayed with me. Those experiences helped shape the adult I became.

What I Would Tell Today’s Students

Savor it.

College feels like a long period of life while you are living it, but it passes quickly. Before you know it, you are being pushed into the real world with deadlines, responsibilities and far fewer built-in opportunities to try something new.

Take advantage of everything available to you. Attend the event. Apply for the internship. Introduce yourself. Join the organization. Visit office hours. Ask the question.

Do not be afraid to advocate for yourself. You are learning how to navigate institutions, relationships and responsibilities that may be unfamiliar. Speaking up is part of the education.

Most importantly, give yourself permission to enjoy the process. These may be some of the freest years of your life.

What I Would Tell the Parents

The tears are real. So is the worry.

You have spent years giving your child the best of what you had, preparing them, protecting them and trying to anticipate what they might need. College move-in asks you to trust that preparation.

They may call home with questions. They may make mistakes. They may discover that you were right about the iron.

They will also learn, adapt and become more capable than either of you realized.

The bird will eventually fly, but sometimes it needs a loving push from the nest.

A photo of my mother and sister the day they left me at The Annex.

Our first goodbye that didn't mean see you later today.

Every Move Changes More Than an Address

Today, much of my work centers on relocation and helping families navigate major transitions. College move-in is a reminder that a move is rarely only about changing where someone lives.

For the student, it may be the first time creating a home away from home.

For parents, it can be the beginning of a quieter house, different routines and an entirely new family dynamic. It may eventually lead to questions about space, lifestyle or what the next chapter should look like, but those decisions do not need to happen immediately.

First, allow the transition to be what it is.

A move can change how we see ourselves, how we relate to the people we love and what we believe we are capable of doing next.

To the newest Bison, welcome to 2225, Howard and a chapter that will shape you in ways you cannot yet imagine.

And to the parents driving away from campus, they are ready.

You helped make sure of it.